Friday, February 18, 2005

the underground

Presented specially in utter British boring wanker speak (see even this sentence is in it):
Also presented in 'didn't have photoshop so I had to use a shitty free image resizing program that puts a green thing at the corner of each photo' vision:

London is expensive. It's crazy. Another thing that is crazy is the fact that everybody here has at least 3 out of the following 6 things: a monobrow, a crappy 14 year old moustache, depression, anger, a wanky little dog, a boater. I can't wait to get out of here to New York tomorrow, although the parks here are really nice. I mean, they have squirrels. And squirrels have funny tails!

There are some other interesting things about London. Basically it's Sydney, but a lot bigger. All the place names are the same, but where King's Cross in Sydney is rife with hookers, here it's rife with expensive clothes on hooks (a tenuous pun for sure, but it's the truth!) . And Epping isn't some craphole. It's an expensive real estate location. Also, they vend the zaniest of things! Observe:

A scary look at the brash, mechanical chickens of the future.

Also, they are total wankers. For example, all their signs feature completely inappropriate uses of the english language, basically just to show of the fact that they invented it. For example, a sign that in anywhere else would say: "mind your step", here says "please observe the staircase whilst walking, as you risk a falling and hurting yourself". And "keep off the grass" = "Please do not place your feet on the grassed areas in this location as that may lead to a compromised appearance of this public park". And as for their movie ratings, check it for Spongebob:

No, you contains it buddy!

The thing that blew my mind the most about London was the fact that even the crappest of stores in Australia are actually giant franchises littering Oxford st. Remember Clarks, that horrible shoe brand that only makes crap school shoes that give you blisters? Think again!

This one was on Kent St... ok so I shamefully specially went there just for the lame joke. I was bored! I thought it would be a shoe in. Argh stop typing...

I love BB's muffins! But I figured I'd never see one outside of the wentworth building at sydney uni. Beware! Here comes another mind melting shock!

BB, you're a bigger shot than I previously thought!

Today I fulfilled the one thing I wanted to do in London: wait at an underground station whilst listening to 'Clark Gable' by the Postal Service at the bit where he says "I was waiting for a crosstown train in the London Underground when it struck me, since birth I've wanted a love that looks and feels like a movie". Except, instead of the scenario suggested in the utter wank of said song, while I was waiting for the train it struck me that since birth I've wanted a lane that looks and feels like monopoly. So I went to Park Lane. It was a dump actually.

Oh and here's a rad nixon stenci from Paris.

I am not a crooked wall... oh come on do I have to think of a sensical and good pun for every picture (ok so that rarely happens).

Here's the generic travel photo section! Huzzah!

Trafalgar Square has a lion. Check the ACTUAL drizzle.

Alys and me in a rad room in the pompidou centre.

And again. The place was called the ice cavern.

Look! It's Chris! He met us on my last day of Paris. A couple of wanky English tourists took this outside Notre Dame.

At an awesome bar near the Louvre. Chris is suprisingly undead after finishing his Lond Island Ice tea in 2 minutes.

Boring Picadilly Circus photo. To make it more interesting, try to form a sentence from the ads on the board behind me. I got "Sung to san".


At 2/22/2005 03:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Official premiere sung.

At 3/20/2005 11:33:00 PM, Blogger Lissy said...

Well... yes. this is a little strange. No, I haven't met you. But, yes. I do infact think that your blog is very funny. and clever. funny and clever.
And talk about six degrees of separation (not that you're talking... and neither am I, but I was looking for a segway) - I fully recognise someone in your photo. I met him during O week - he's in the drama society...and lives with James...

At 3/21/2005 12:28:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...

looking for a segway like those crazy two-wheeled scooters (as opposed to the other type...) that police drive around in San Francisco. Man, those things are awesomely suicidal.

Yeah that's chris. He does live with James. And at the time of the photo he smelt like Spain. Which is kind of a musty scent, but none too displeasing.


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