Thursday, September 30, 2004


I've noticed something weird. You know Jean-Pierre Jeunet? The director with enough cutesy, yellow hued tricks up his sleeve to make Amelie the light, feelgood, quirky French comedy that it was? Well, the other major movie he directed was an installment in the horror-laced, neoindustrially themed, suspense driven, goreriffic hollywood box office smash Alien series.

Above: The cute Amelie seeks to bring happiness into other people's lives.

Above: The Alien feasts on human babies.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Bill Ben Bill Ben Bill Ben Bill Ben Bill Ben Ben


texan state 808

Damnit Pat. Why did you introduce me to this ridiculously awesome webcomic? You must have known that I would fall asleep in front of the computer in a pile of basil pesto shapes and codral packets whilst attempting to read all 193 entries in this brilliant serial about hip indie people. You know how I get with these things! I'm going to bed!

Ps: I DID read all 193 you know.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Curse 540 swamps!

Timbertop: a wanky co-ed year 9-only subsidiary of Geelong Grammar School that is in the middle of the bush 3 hours north of Melbourne. Every student there boards and is not allowed telephones, tv etc; they do however, have to hike every weekend (so, really, no weekends) and do other oldskool bush stuff, like chop wood and light a boiler to get hot water. I went there. So did current top of the pop singer Missy Higgins. And she was in my year! And in all my classes! And I just realised this last week! How did it possibly take me so long? Well, the stages went a little something like this:

1) 1998: Go to Timbertop. In Melissa Higgins' classes. She is most popular girl at Timbertop.
2) 1999 - 2003: Cereal is tasty. My favourite is Just Right.
3) 2004: I hear "Scar". I deem Missy Higgins to be "like fucking Kasey Chambers". I diss on her.
4) At delicious Nando's. I read an article about Missy Higgins whilst enjoying a Pita combo. It says that her real name is Melissa, she is 21 and she went to Geelong Grammar.
5) Nothing.
6) Still nothing.
7) I wake up a week later... the pieces of the complex puzzle all fall into place. Ie: "Melissa. Missy. Mellisa. Missy... hang on a sec. Melissa and Missy. Melissa v Missy... Melissa tribar Missy! Melissa IS Missy!".

I went to school with Missy Higgins. She is the first person from Timbertop I have heard anything of since 1998.
So now I can no longer diss on her. I feel bad for mocking her so harshly. In fact I think I'll buy her album. Sure it sounds like Kasey Chambers shi... oh who am I kidding... AND YOU LEAVE ME WITH A SCAAAAAR. I dig it.
Just in case you don't believe me, here she is at Timbertop (from my cherised yearbook):

She wouldn't leave the floor with a scar. Sorry, that was horrible. She is the happiest person I have ever seen with a mop by the way.
And now...

Missy Higgins: middle of the road Australian folk-rock supasuperstar.

Weird. Oh, and check out me at Timbertop!

G-UNIT: Yes I was a member of G-Unit. The original unit. That's my New Balance-wearing self on the far left. Notice the SHORE tennis shirt. Seems like I couldn't let go of the GPS then. And for people who know the story, that's Jon on the left, ie: the guy who throws up with a "toot" noise when walking really fast and makes animal noises.

But enough of that. Today is Robyn's birthday! Huzzah! Pat bought her awesome bike spoke things (you know, those little balls that you put on your bike wheels that make a clicky noise every time you move and make you the most rad/annoying person in the world). He also bought her some balloons from Newtwon Variety (the place where I bought my "It's jist not a game anymore" 10,000,000 in 1 polystation). As expected (and desired) they are of awesomely shifty quality. The favourite is

On first glance everything seems to be spelt correctly...

Oh, and Pat also found a really cool website. Basically you buy t-shirts there with SPAM email subject lines printed on them (they have a list of suggested SPAM subject lines but you can also make your own). SPAM subjects look suprising awesome on t-shirts, especially when they say stuff like "Daniel, how could you do this?", "Curse 540 swamps" and "If you didn't you are losing dol-lars". I am going to try very hard not to buy one.

Friday, September 17, 2004


Look at this awesome realistc 3D image I made using... no, not the most powerful Shrek-creating CPU 30000xBillion, (as you would no doubt infer automatically and without thought) but Microsoft Word:

Please don't press the screen. I know you may be easily fooled into thinnking that this is a REAL button that has appeared on your screen but I must assure you that it is just an image. PLEASE RESTRAIN YOURSELF! NO rockets will fire if you press it. You may just hurt your finger. I'm sorry if my enormous talent combined with the graphics powerhorse that is MS Word fooled you.

Thank you.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Oh no. The new SPOD album sucks. He even ruined Country of Sweden by turning it into a 7:49 wankfest opus. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I'm sad. My hero has fallen.

My hair is in a mohawk. It's funny and I like it. But it is all sticky. And my hands smell like anchovie. It HAS to be related.


Monday, September 13, 2004

Nocturnal Championz

There is a horrible lack of SPOD at today's music outlets.
HMV: "Sorry mate, we don't have any Sod"
Utopia: "Spod? Um... (glances at other guy behind counter)... no man sorry"
HUM: "You again? Look, no SPOD until Monday ok?"
Well it's Monday! And they still don't have it at HUM. So what if I have been pretending to be different people when I ring the store so it looks like SPOD has more than one fan? Argh I want new SPOD so bad. But anyway...

Friday night! Such a ridiculous night needs at least to be put on some sort of blog. It started out with me, Charlie, Jian and some of Garth's friends going to the Hordern Pavillion to see MUSE. Through some sort of ridiculous fault in the moshpit, we were able to get to the very front of the stage even though there were millions... ok thousands of MUSE fans who had been waiting in the mosh for ages just to get close. The concert itself was ridiculously RAD, they played all their awesome pompous operatic songs, complete with a giant screen depiciting apocalypses and totalitarian governments, a keyboard that lit up at the front depending upon which keys were lit and ridiculously cool moonwalking. Sigh. The crowd was pretty insane, at one point I was horizontal but somehow still standing up, possibly because I was balanced on 7 bodies. The end of the show saw Matt Bellamy sit on the drumkit and stare at the drummer whilst he was doing a drum solo, slowly knocking off one drum piece at a time until he had nothing left except the snare and bass drum. Hooray!

Hello MUSE!

After the show I stayed and tried to get the roadies and security guards to give my a MUSE pick or drumstick. I tried to convince him that MUSE hate yellow picks and that he would be a bad roadie if he left it with the band. Failing that, I lowered my standards and asked for anything remotely touched by MUSE, including MUSE broken pens, MUSE garbage and MUSE lint. But to no avail. Huzzah for MUSE!

Well after that there was a mixup with the taxis that left me stranded on South Downling St without enough money to catch a taxi home. So I waited for ages for a bus and somehow ended up at the Clare hotel with Kyle, Scott, BRYDIE, Xavier, Sean and others, who had just seen the arts revue. Plenty of chick drink drinking and robot dancing ensued until about 2:30 in the morning.

Chick drink drinking drinking fun for all!

After the Clare closed we, for some reason, walked to the Bridge St part of Central and put people in taxis, which left just Kyle and I to get back to Glebe/Newtown on foot. So we set off only to run into Will at Railway Square waiting for a bus after seeing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He told illuminated us on the vintage porn collecting that secretly goes on at Fisher library! Apparently Fisher has one of the greatest porn collections in the world. They should tell THAT to the private boys schools for open day.

Upon reaching Sydney uni we were suprised to find anti ACTION Rose propaganda chalking around. (Stuff like: Beware of Rose's thorns, Rose has thrush). After getting framed for the chalking by the security guards (we were just picking up the remaining used chalk pieces!) we took it upon ourselves to edit some of the Rose slags. So, with the help of soap + wet towles provided of course by Will (sheriff powers again!), we made the 'Rose has thrush' one say 'Classic prose is a rush'. Funny because it's true!

Classic Prose is a Rush: doesn't look so good when it's not 3am.

After that we hung around the deserted Manning area for a while playing some awesomely nerdy jokes... like "Oh it's 3 o'clock, better go to class..." hahahahaha hi-larious. Then I started to get ridiculously tired and made my way back up Carillon to home... only to be stopped by Charlie and the other MUSE people, who were wasted and wanted to see some crappy dancing. I was more than happy to deliver on demand. Then we partook in some driving around the third year college carpark blasting 'Fucken' Awesome' very loudly on Charlie's "phat" "phumpin" etc. system. Then there was some more classic synchronized 'Fucken' Awesome' dancing until we took the act on the road to Women's caprark after being shouted at by Nigel. By this point it was 5am and time for bed.

Huzzah! I'm still tired.

Oh and I thought of an awesome new feature for Microsoft Word: Auto Plagarise. Basically with the touch of a button it goes through and replaces as many words as possible with their synonyms, thus turning someone else's work into your very own!

Auto Plagarise!

Friday, September 10, 2004

Only I can turn your letter into litter

I am very tired. Look what Pat found! It is a site where you have to choose what thing is least like bread. That would be easy you would think if the options were like "WHEAT" or "PANOPTICON". But no. The options look more like this:

Cat loaf? That is not a legitimate loaf!? You couldn't have it fur dinner. Oh.

Well anyway. Last night was Blink-182. I took Alice, my sister. It was her very first concert... and possibly her very first contact with 15 year old acne infested eno fanboys! But the concert was awesome! Well except that the sound quality wasn't great and we had to go really far back so as to not touch said acne infestations. Here is the best photo I got that night... which is saying something because it is really quite shithouse. Or shit'ouse. No, shithouse. Oh oh, I just did that thing where you lose all sense of meaning for a word if you write it three times in a row. Like this: CHILD, CHILD, CHILD... like seriously, look at that word, what does child mean? Why does it mean a child? ARGH!

Mark bassically had cool hair.

Oh no, my stomach keeps on hurting. I think I am going to have to book some sort of doctor visit. You know your stomach ache is pretty bad when even emo can't fix it. Until then I will just have to keep up this newfound healthy diet. Not that it is working or tasty. Although it does leave you feeling working and tasty. What? That made no sense. Bed makes sense.

Emo Power!

I went everywhere today searching for SPOD's new album (see previous entry). Actually that was a lie. I went to three record stores. And two of them had heard of SPOD. Hooray! Also, SPOD sent me an email!!!! Ok, so it was a reply. To a merchandise question. But still! Look how rad he is just in his words!:

hey will
yeah, there'll be mediums in yellow or white with black print.
mad powa!

Luv & Respexxx from Spod xoxox

Bed time! Why are birds singing at night? They should sleep. Or at least tell me why those little hard balls with sticks on them from the trees keep on blowing in my window in the morning.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ETERNAL CHAMPIONZ - Out 9th September, 2004. Featuring live favoritez 'Country of Sweden, Nerdz, Parkin' Aeroplanez, Secks Party 4 Eva.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

It's Hailing!

It just started hailing. I suggested we make snowcones. Nobody else thought it was a good idea.

Heroes, Part 1

Dr. David Braddon-Mitchell, "DBM", "BLT" (FUCK YOU PAT! DIE INFERIOR IDOL CAMRON!)

Teach Philosophy of Mind, Destroy all known preconceptions regarding sexual orientation

Black unisex clothes, Bikes, Pistachio ice cream, Being stalked (I assume), also Trees, Tea, Glasses and Bling (see image)

Clothes that aren't black, Not being stalked

"I made a mistork... mistork? Um, a mistork is something that brings unwanted babies"
"Here is a diagram from the book... it was once ranked the 3rd most boring diagram in the book"
[Presses a button which slowly raises the projection screens in the lecture hall to reveal the blackboards behind them] "You know, I always hope there will be an aquarium full of sharks behind these when I press this button"
"The best possums are made by Italian designers..."

How Much Do I Want To Be Him:
About 9 out of 10. If I could be so flawlessly awesome that every single person I came into contact with me instantly worshiped me as some kind of omnipresent graven object, it wouldn't be too shabby. Then again, there can only be one DBM.

How Stalked Is He By Me?
Only about 5/10. I know he lives in Erskinville, I found intimate camping photos on the internet and I have traded off information with other DBM fanatics for new info (Eg: In return for my information about his current tempoary residence in Canberra I learnt that he is often sighted in Newtown at certain cafes...). And Alys did just walk in on my looking up photos of him on the net in a dank apartment at 3pm on a saturday. Then again, I haven't stolen any of his clothes, constructed a One Hour Photo like polaroid collage in my cupboard, or even made a little DBM puppet set and acted out fantasy scenes from my imaginary life with him in an eerie puppet show outside his house at 2am every friday night just yet...

Above: DBM with tea, glasses, trees and bling.