Friday, December 15, 2006

Man, time. Time... Sonia.

Presenting the most underused feature in all of Microsoft: AutoSummarize. Not only was it quick to jump on the "joining two words together" bandwagon first pioneered by LimpBizkit, but it gives you a kickass way to read all those classics without wasting your time reading those boring classics.

For example, take the entire text of Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. All 203,275 words of it. Just load up your computer, pop it into Word and pistol-grip-pump AutoSummarize. Select 'Summarize into 100 words' and let the magic begin...

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky - Ridiculously Abridged Version:

thought. thought. thought. "PULCHERIA RASKOLNIKOV." Raskolnikov laughed. If. times. Raskolnikov time.

Raskolnikov gazed. If Raskolnikov. "If Raskolnikov If. addressing Raskolnikov. man. men." If Raskolnikov. Raskolnikov laughed, Raskolnikov. If Raskolnikov, If.

"Sonia! If Raskolnikov muttered Sonia, Raskolnikov's Raskolnikov lived?"

Raskolnikov. "Raskolnikov."

Raskolnikov addressed Raskolnikov.


Sonia! Sonia, Sonia! thought Raskolnikov.

Raskolnikov. Raskolnikov laughed.

Raskolnikov wondered.

Raskolnikov insisted.

Raskolnikov listened

Raskolnikov Raskolnikov.

If Raskolnikov, Sonia's Raskolnikov smiled. man. Raskolnikov. Raskolnikov.

If If
"Raskolnikov? Sonia?" Sonia! "Sonia! Sonia! Romanovna Raskolnikov. man.... Sonia...."

If If Sonia, Sonia! time? Sonia? man...."

man. time. time.... Sonia.

Raskolnikov shuddered, thought Raskolnikov. "Raskolnikov." Moreover, Raskolnikov.

Sonia. Sonia’s END.

Friday, December 08, 2006

visual inanity

I apologise in advance (and in reverseadvance) for the string of half-baked posts, but I've been busy trying to overhaul this blog with a completely different format and it's fucking up at every possible avenue. Trying to not make a carfucker pun here.
Anyway. Look, this cat has a really bad goatee:

What's next? A goat who's a bit catty?

Look, on the way to work I saw a BIG RIG: