Monday, August 30, 2004

My tutor

Sunday, August 29, 2004


All day I have been doing logic and selling Germans big sticks. I can't stands it no more. I can't do the impossible logic. I can't understand their loopy German requests. I'm fucked. ARGH! MY HEAD HURTS!

Bro-ken: That's me. My head and sunglasses a-splode.

I went to starbucks in my anger and delirium and asked for a venti (ie: fucking large) mocha. They refused. I pressed on. They gave in. I got 600mls of coffee.

I'm angry, broken and holding delicious, well made coffee.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Psychographic Rhombus

Well, the Mexican Fondue Party. How can I describe it? How about "2/3". Because I nearly achieved the trifector in terms of getting emergency services called on the party! Firstly came the police, who were called to investigate a noise disturbance. Then came the fire brigade, who came after my fog machine, on the highest power in order to recreate the pollution of Mexico City during peak hour, set off the main fire alarm in the building at 1:30am. Maybe we should have stopped fogging after my apartment's fire alarm went off at the beginning of the night... if only there wasn't a reset button. Luckily the apartment buiding was not fitted with an automated sprinkler system, or I'm afraid that the ambulance may have been called to take away my neighbourly beaten body.

But apart from those little hinderences, the party went very well! I tacked yellow cellophane to the walls and lights, because, according to Traffic, everything in Mexico is yellow. Plus, it made my posters and lights appear to be of shifty, low grade Mexican quality! There was truth or dare, which saw drinking of Holy water (from God's fishbowl) and bobbing in the monster (the form that was created in the beer wheelbarrow, born from peeled bananas, cigarette butts and tepid VB water), and eating of Archie comics. Golly gee! And who could forget the appearance of a new celebrity, the 'person of the party', Sheriff Will.

Sheriff Will. Here pictured surveying the scene with a watchful eye, just waiting for a crisis to avert with his steady, sober, superhuman pacifist psychographic powers.

Psychographic? It's time to talk about Google Whack! It's an awesome game that Charlie told me about, in which you try and find a pair of certified words that will retrieve only one search result on Google. The closest I have come to victory have been Psychographic Rhombus, Postprandial Discombobulation, Discombobulate Juicer. Suprisingly, there are quite a few sites concerning discombobulated oblongs. As for the word 'psychographic', I got it from the course guide to Ruth's recently completed Sydney University "Email Campaign Strategies" course. Email campaign strategies? Doesn't that remind you of something... like SPAM?!? What did she learn there? How to mispell "Sex" and "Viagra" so the Spam filters wouldn't block her emails?

Degree in Spamming. Ruth probably majored in coming up with sender names so generic that we think we know the spam robot. Like Frank, Ally, James or BONuS DeaLZX!!!!1

I had a big sandwich today at work. Want to see it?

My Sandwich. It had capsicum. I was happy.

Friday, August 20, 2004

Faux Real

Mexican Fondue party tomorrow! At first I thought the Mexican theme would be there on the invite just to look cool. But further consideration has gotten me more excited about the concept. So excited, in fact, that I have hired a low smoke machine from the Party People (who sounded a bit sullen on the phone. I would have thought having to work on parties every day that you never get to experience would have been the best job ever...) just to recreate an authentic Mexico City smog problem in my apartment! Hopefully my neighbours won't call the Fire Brigade when they see the smoke escaping from under my door. The old "where there's smoke, there's fire" saying just is NOT IN TOUCH with the modern advancement of today's Mexico City-replicating smoke machines!

Speaking of Alex's ADFA physics teacher, as I was, he is probably the raddest 80s dude I have ever seen. Pity this photo was taken in this century. Apparently he hits students with a stick. I would only believe such a ludicrous claim if the stick he was hitting said students with was some kind of fluoro hypercolour glow baton with ninja turtles on it. Check him out:

Rad 80s Dude or Physics Lecturer? Both!

Often I have talked about Ruth (half a sister, employer) and her very suspicious 'easy guide to becoming an employer' book. Well, just in case you didn't believe me, look what I found in her office today:

Would you like to find this in your employer's office?

I should coat it in bananas. She has a banana phobia you know. Can't be in the same room as a banana. Can't be in the same room that a banana was once in. Can't be in a room which will contain a banana in the near future.

I went to visit Pat in his 41rd hour awake last night. At first he seemed pretty normal, but after about 10 minutes he became quite insane. First he said didn't want ice cream, but that if I brought him some, that he would eat it and then ask me to "bring him another". Then he squirted me with water from a big banana novelty gun. Then he donned a shield, sword, visor, bike helmet and flashing light and shouted "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I'M LOCO?!" and went on adventures battling things. Sorry Georgie.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Logic will break your heart

I think logic will break my heart. Or at least it will break my brain. This weeks logic homework is really really hard. And now it's too late to drop it. Bollocks! I think I will have to spend all tomorrow working on it. Egad!

See, this is what I have to do:

And then, by week 10, I will have to do this:

I can't even understand most of the letters used in that. Cripes! But anyway, I'm sure I'll get it eventually. Just like conditionals (which, come to think of it, were so hard that I thunk too hard and my necklace a-splode).

I just came from a theatrsports in Surrey Hills that cost me $20. Ok, so it cost Scott $20 quid, since I actually have NO money. I spent it all today on ridiculous albums. Like Foreigner which is totally wack 80s pop. The guy at Fish was so suprised when I bought it, as if he had no idea that the shope he worked in stocked such 80s stuff. It took him ages to find the cd and when he finally did, he had to blow dust off it! Yes, rational spending.

But the theatresports. It was pretty cool! The best bit was when I won myself a bit of Quaffing screwtop wine by providing my horrible driver's license photo for a skit. Basically the team, which had Jordan (Jack Black's body double) in it had to mirror my card's facial expression and then base a character on it. Then I got mocked (rightly so) for having ridiculous middle names and coming from Turramurra. And then I got showered with wine. Huzzah!

I am locked in my apartment for a while because the lift is broken. Serves me right for living in a place with a lift!

Saturday, August 14, 2004

The real campo's

That's weird. I just saw the new Prodigy video and they have gone full 80s techno pop, infused with a bit of Primal Scream's last single 'miss lucifer'. It totally won't go down well with people who don't like 80s techno pop, infused with a bit of Primal Scream's last single 'miss lucifer'. Luckily I'm not one of those people. Also, Ugly Duckling did a video for "The Drive-Thru". Huzzah! "Shouldn't you be reading dianetics?"

Today I went to Campo's for coffee. Not to be confused with the very awesome Campos coffee place in Newtown, this is in fact a coffee shop run by ex-pat (just wanted to say that) 'foot-ball' star David Campese. Affectionatley known to his adoring fans as 'Campo'. And now he makes coffee. Let's just say he should stick to making sport instead of coffee.

I went to the Biennale today with Alys. It was awesome! Except when I embarrassed myself in front of a German woman by claiming that the following image (which was printed on a wall, accompanying a DVD showing wacky Portuguese teens attempting and failing to read out the colours properly) was cool and tricky because it had NO brown colour in it:


Rad, there is an effects laden video on rage featuring people playing handball (not the 'Olympic' sport, but the one with squares, King, Queen and ... Dunce? Wow, I never thought I'd have to spell that... even though I had SO much experience in Dunce [Dunz?]).

Pat is at an AWESOME JT themed party tonight. I mead it had stencils. And banners. BANNERS! I'll have to throw an even better party this weekend. I may even have to pull out my synchronized "Rock Your Body" dance routine. Y'all.

Anyway, Od'd died tonight. On Friday the 13th. But not because she was unlucky, like the day. But because she GOT lucky. With a robot whore. When she was just 8 years old. The fool! And now she's dead. That's what happens when you succumb to robo-whores.

RIP Od'd, 5th Aug 2004 - 13th Aug 2004.

Above: Od'd, Child of the Robot-Whore and a shit.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

A box to put BK inside

Last night was Ben Kweller. He was small, Texan, sounded funny and wore ludicrously tight pants. Ie: he was awesome!

Scott just called me. Apparently our team might be on for theatresports today at Manning. Shit! I am not psyched up enough for this! Oh no, I'm doing that hyperventilating thing that I do before theatrsports. It's my "thing".

Oh, and Od'd didn't die. Hooray! She'll live to make it with a robot whore!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Annalise This

I think my tamagotchi, Od'd, is going to die tonight. She is asleep with a giant skeleton over her head and 3 shits next to her bed. Damnit! I knew the name Od'd would eventually come back to get me, since she is going to overdose on sickness. And to think that only today she was turning into a hideously ugly 3D close up version and kissing the screen. Aww... ok how pathetic is this?

I think I love logic! Class today was awesome. Especially when the lecturer, Dr. Bacon, spent most of the lecture talking about fairy tales. Excerpt: "The giant fell down the beanstalk because he was too heavy. Let this be a warning to any of you considering becoming a giant or climbing a beanstalk." This guy is SO broken. It is AWESOME! Especially since the rest of the class just sits there not moving a muscle when he is saying all this ridiculous stuff. Is he worthy of DBM idolization? Bah, what am I saying?! Sorry DBM! But Dr. Bacon is still very cool. [As a postscript, I should add that I will probably get a crushing result on my logic homework when I get it back later today, which will mean my enthusiasm for logic will be destroyed!]

I just finished the invites for my "end of lease" party. I kind of fluked how cool they look (if I hadn't picked a grey made up mostly of pink [who'd have thought it] then I wouldn't have realised how ridiculously good it looks in pink... also, thanks as always to Pat for cleaning up my Illustrator mess cos he has the mad skillz), and I think I'll shell out for colour photocopying as well. Hooray! Now all I have to do is make the party live up to the invites.

Here is what they look like:

The front of the invite... you turn it over to reveal one of the following....

The End-O-Lease Baking-Shit party! Huzzah!

Monday, August 09, 2004


Just got back from the SPOD VS Regurgitator gig at the Opera House. As usual, the omnipresent power of said curator of radicity, SPOD, ownzzed the entire crowd. And, I got to dance, nay, 'frollick', with him during 'Secks Party 4-Eva'. Possibly the best part of the night was when he battled, both verbally and physically with Quan from regurgitator (who, apparently, were also there). Sure, SPOD, inventor of greatness, may have lost the physical battle with Quan. But really, the idea of a challenge is ludicrous in the presence of said inventor.
Yes, he's rad.

Above: SPOD invents a holy grail

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Tomorrow the blog, today the world!


Well, I'm taking logic this semester. It's too late to change now. This means hours of sitting in cafes on King St, spending on Vienna Chocolates and weeping in the corner because the ridiculous mathematical complexity of logic makes my brain turn into some sort of yogo style goo. On the other hand, it will be kind of fun to have homework again (my 2001 school-goin' self would kick be right now). In the words of my hero
SPOD, "I thizink I may dizie tryin'. It's gonna be huge & superamazing, so watch the fizuck out!".

SPOD, Male, 1 Billion Years old - Conductor of Radness, Destroyer of Dreamz, Inducer of Fantasy (according to his website)

Huge huge thanks to Alys for basically doing my logic homework for me last week while I was having one of aforementioned meltdowns. That's why I'm doing my homework in advance and making sure I understand it this time, and it's great to have someone who can conquer logic so ingeniously if I have any problems!

Talking of meltdowns. I saw Ash last thursday and they were, hands up, the best EVER live band EVER! Well, that doesn't count the Flaming Lips, but that's not really a fair comparison. The Flaming Lips laugh in the face of every other live band on the planet. But back to Ash, I'm pretty sure that during the bridge of 'Orpheus', the stage opened up and I caught a glimpse of 'heaven'. Or maybe, I passed out for a second from standing up too long. Either way, it was cool.

Ash, came on with a guitar on FIRE!

In other news, well in fact, in the real news, I got chosen, for some reason, to be the fluro orange 5x5 pixel poster boy for an
SMH video on Sydney Uni Theatresports. That means this image adorned the top of their 'video' section for a while:


Also, last night Charlie, Garth and 'Sco-T' were subjected to Richie and Marky's walkabout treatment. Basically, they drove them to a very very distant rural (probably) destination to left them to find their own way home without any monmey. HOWEVER, before doing this they got them completely wasted, blindfolded them, dressed them up in girls clothes (if a tiny Elmo teddy counts), shaved half their heads and, in Charlie's case, spraypainted "I hate farmers" on his back and CHAINED HIM TO A TOILET THAT HE HAD TO CARRY AROUND!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!! Here's hoping they get back. Alive.

Lastly, according
this article, under 21's may be subjected to FUCKED driving rules. Like, no more than 1 teenage passenger and no driving after 10pm! Whilst this would obviously reduce to road toll (not the cash one), it is totally fucked to take away younger driver's rights.