Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Accidental Porn is the New Black

Well this post was meant to go up yesterday but the blogger was broked. So allow me to recreate the feeling of yesterday, today!:
CALIFORNIA CALIFORNIA HERE WE COMEEEEEHUMMMMM
I had a very weird couple of experiences tosmorning*. Firstly, I awoke to find a wasp nest being built by a killer giant megawasp on my balcony. I thought about wrenching it but decided it was best to let it continue on its merry (STINGING) little (MEGABIG) way. Then, as I was waiting to cross the street, a little old lady asked me to help her across. Whilst she kungfugripped my arm, she asked me what my aspirations in life were (to get a Boost juice), and then proceeded to inform me about how she made great spaghetti. I never knew stereotypical old ladies like that existed. Awesome. And finally, when I finally got to Boost, the guy in front of me picked up his two juices, and the Boost guy popped down one of the buttons on the lid (you know, the generic takeaway drink lid buttons) to indicate that one of the drinks was 'Diet'. Doesn't Boost Guy know the law of the universe? It is illegal to actually make use of those little lid (liddle?) buttons. Argh! Weird morning!

Did you know that Krispy Kreme can kater for your wedding with delicious doughnut wedding cakes? And did you also know that, according to the poster at the Penrith Krispy Kreme outlet, 'with Krispy Kreme you are NEVER ALONE". Not even if you get so fat that you eat your Krispy Kreme wedding partner just to get those extra few bites you missed out on. Hmmm. Also did I mention that I work at Krispy Kreme? I suggest you try the Doughnut-flavoured Koffee:

After each shift I dip my head into the Kreme batter and go crazy!

It is a little known fact that Pat and his friend Nic-with-no-k are actually deceptacons (decepatcons?) fighting for the supreme victories of evil. If you don't believe me, I have completely un-edited photographic proof:

Take that!

In keeping with the overall weirdness of this entry, I should mention that last Thursday, as I was walking across Circle Key on my way to work, I came across the World's Biggest Risotto cook-off. Sure, it was all a front for promoting rice, but I laughed at the 40-odd cooks because it was hot and the risotto smelt bad.

As for the title of this entry, it seems as if accidentally sending porn images to unsuspecting victims is so hot right now. In the past few weeks we've had the police send child porn to 1,800 schools and that whole Australian Idol gay porn mishap. What next? Only time will tell. (Oh, and on a highschool note, the links I just provided to corresponding SMH articles have the word 'Farticles' in the url. I laughing.)

*tosmorning IS a real word. Just like tosafternoon. See, you have today, tomorrow. It just makes perfect sense.

8 Comments:

At 12/01/2004 10:49:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh my god! NO! you don't really work at krispy kreme do you!?! because if so i'm so sorry for insulting krispy kremes the other night, i hope i didn't offend you!

 
At 12/02/2004 12:07:00 AM, Blogger conditionals said...

Haha I know my photorealistic picture makes it seem like an undeniable truth, but no, I don't actually work at KK though. Although you SHOULD be sorry for mocking the tastiness of their delicious doughnuts.

 
At 12/02/2004 12:45:00 AM, Blogger scott said...

i have a new blog! well its the old one but i revamped it. the heat melted my space bar and it sticks down. this message has been heavily edited lest it look like this . anyway your blog rox and kicks mines bum. FUNK TURKEY TOMORROW NITE WOOHOO!

ps krispy kremes kan kiss my kaboose

 
At 12/02/2004 11:20:00 AM, Blogger conditionals said...

FunkTrinket
FunkTurnip
FunkTrumpet
FunkToilet
FunkTokendispenser
FunkTisnotdeadjustlookatjamesbrownkingoffunkandsoul
...
Should be awesome! Your blog is awesome... and you didn't call it Scott Notime.

 
At 12/04/2004 01:20:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi willlllllllllllll
it's 1am and i can't sleep. i'm so bored and lonely. i hate night time. i am listening to the most depressed song evAR.

we need to see a gig soon, it's been ages- 2 months for me :(

jian

 
At 12/04/2004 11:27:00 AM, Blogger conditionals said...

I love the night time. It always go so much faster than the day time and you feel less bad for doing nothing, since you are really just holding off going to bed.
What song could that be? The Scientist by Coldplay? Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley? Y'all Muthafuckaz Ain't No Bitchez Y'all Muthafuckaz is Some Hoes by Notorious B.I.G.?

Yes I know about the gigs! Fuck I am missing so many good bands this summer, Tenacious D, The Shins, Beastie Boys, The Music, The Polyphonic Spree, The Hives. I'm not seeing any of them and they are some of my favourite bands. Still, we should go out sometime Jian.

 
At 12/05/2004 04:19:00 PM, Blogger alys said...

i can't believe you framed me into working at krispy kremes. you bastard! i'm also deeply jealous of pat's far cooler alterego, although i guess that particular failure is my own fault. i am clearly not brave and skilful enough to battle for evil - or for good, for that matter.

i just discovered that my computer at work (the very same that i'm writing on now) has itunes, featuring such awesome songs as the spice girls 'spice up your life', and bands with names like cherry and crush and snap. wow, if only today wasn't the last day that i worked here!

i'm going to have a student in 14 minutes. hurrah! someone to talk to! this girl promised she would come, so she'd better not back out on me. i'd be so angry.

i want risotto.

 
At 12/05/2004 07:40:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...

Wow, 'Spice Up Your Life' was the greatest song ever! I can't believe it has been forcibly forgotten by time.
Shake it to the left
Swing it to the right
Something to the middle...
Oh no, even I have forgotten it. And I gave away my Spice Girl albums. How terrible. Really.

I reckon you'd like working at Krispy Kreme... you could laugh at the fat people addicted to the batter from behind the counter.

 

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