Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Push things ford

Sure, to the uninformed eye it looks like your average ford falcon. But little do you know that my car is packed with thousand of mouthwatering unique special features. Once you see them you'll be dying to fork out the K cash to take it from my hands:


Forget unleaded petrol. This car runs on leaded spanners. Having 31 spanners left means the car will run for a good 15 minutes before dying. At around 109.9 a spanner, that's a DEAL STEAL.


This security feature will make thieves think their chips are down. The special door handle is enriched with a McDonalds chip that has been left to marinate in water for months.


Power windows? Screw that! Dual power wrench action!


Light on satisfaction? Light on with a window handle instead. With this car, you will dash to customise your dash!


Want to turn the radio off? Why reach all the way over to the dashboard? Just turn this power mirror knob to 'R' and watch the radio fuse explode! Now that's luxury.


Out of cupboard space in your apartment? Forced to put your stuff on the floor? Give that idea the boot! This specially modded space let's you carry your wardrobe with you wherever you go!


Kick those old tyres to the kerb! These special low-air tyres will never tire of that desirable 'just parked on the kerb' feeling.

7 Comments:

At 6/14/2005 09:20:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also own a piece of shit ford falcon, with a limited addition special feature. There is extraordinarily large gap between the bonnet and the windshield, which allows leaves to fall into the motor, catch on fire, and bellow black smoke into the vehicle through the air-conditioning, whose source of fresh air coincidently comes from inside the motor.

 
At 6/14/2005 09:48:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...

Holy crap, you reminded me of a special feature that I totally forgot about.

Last year, after driving for 6 hours on the way to coffs harbour, I got a call saying that a problem had been found in my model of falcon... the steering wheel randomly FALLS OFF!

That's some quality engineering.

 
At 6/15/2005 04:25:00 PM, Blogger Jean_Therapist said...

What an inspiring passange, will. You're a very street forward kind of guy. Who would have guessed that you could a-ford such a lot of bonus gear in your vehicle. I can seat that you must de-rive a lot of satisfaction out of it. It's all enginoyable stuff, I'm sure you have a rolly good time with it. I'd clutch on tight so someone doesn't brake in and steal it. Then you wouldn't be able to accell it for a good price.

What a cartastrophe that would be.

 
At 6/15/2005 04:50:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...

Holy moly! Those are some puns right there.

I fuel like there a no more car puns left. Seriously, I'm exhausted just trying to think of one. If you didn't have a history of assault and battery charges...

Um, remember that episode of the simpsons where Mr. Burns made Bart his heir and tried to fashion him in his image? They call that air-conditioning.

Argh.

 
At 6/16/2005 11:20:00 AM, Blogger Jean_Therapist said...

Yeah, I agrease with you will. They need police to petrol the streets for my bad puns. Oil get in so much trouble for pedalling bad chokes. It's not as though I'm ever going to stopsign though, I adoor it too much. Life would be so blinkingly pedestrian. I would have no vent, and would probably find myself getting crossing and overheated.

 
At 6/16/2005 11:35:00 AM, Blogger conditionals said...

Holy mackerel!

I didn't realise it was your turn to make three points of awesomeness. What are you really trying to indicate? We should go talk about it in the park.

 
At 6/17/2005 12:06:00 AM, Blogger Francomalaisienne said...

oh mon dieu, ca fait longtemps que je vois pas ton site! Uni really brings out the worse in you! *By forgetting to read her willism book of course!*

Nice to see yet another randomnes from you once again. Nice boxers btw ;) xx

 

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