3 stories about men

I woke up tosmorning the way I always do: to the sound of my intercom buzzer being rung by the postman at 9am to deliver a vinyl that I foolishly bought on the internet and forgot about. Then it was back to bed to stare at my tree-filled window view. But this morning, there was something suspicious going down in my favourite tree...:

"I wood stop what you're doing and leave!" I yelled, but they knew I was all bark and no bite. Bastards took down my favourite (only) tree... leaving me with an unobstructed view of the RPA. Thanks guys!

So lately I've become a class 1337 apple nerd. I'm addicted to apple rumours/news sites, living only for the glorious moment at 3am when they all update. I've become so nerdy that I get excited when apple patents a new design... especially this particular tablet computer design, which was entered into the US patents database with the following image and caption:
FIG.9

"FIG. 9 is an exemplary diagram of the use of the electronic device thereof; [the] broken lines being shown [are] for illustrative [purposes] only, and form no part of the claimed design".
Imagine if they hadn't dotted the line... what's more of an ego trip then one-upping god and patenting man design?

Ah Seth, giver of all life and captain oats. I know, I know, my infatuation with a character from a trashy tv show is becoming dull. Ok! From now on, I promise I'll cut out my seth obsession... with a scalpel!:

Haha! The international clout rating of stenciling just went into deficit!