Tuesday, November 08, 2005


The definite hierachy of disgusting drinks is one of society's unspoken agreements. Everyone knows that root beer is to secret bane of all human existence. Soda water & nesquik comes a close second (that fateful experiment 13 years ago still haunts my dreams). What's 3rd? Well, Ugly Duckling went ahead and made an album that fed upon the the fear that lurks within every living soul: meat in a cup.

The land of no tomarrow.

Anyway, while we all laughed at Ugly Duckling's little joke, comfortable in the knowledge that not even the maddest of all the mad scientists (exiled even from madtown) would ever think to thurn this horrible vision of fooddrink into a reality. But as usual, we forgot about Kraft. Behold what they have been cooking up in their diabolical laboratories:

A jarring experience.

That's right. Beef Drink. In a mug. What is this? Has the world gone crazy? Who would want 7 litres of meat to drink? What kind of family sits down to a nice mug of meatdrink? "Here son, must have been a tough day at school, have a litre of meatdrink." Fuck! Somewhere, sometime, some parent has said that. Think about it!!!

Also, I don't know about you, but the word 'luncheon' usually brings to mind picnic baskets, a tasty loaf and bicycles built for two. I don't know, having never been to a luncheon, maybe I've had it wrong all these years:


So much seems to have changed in the world... I think it's time to re-envisage my "idealistic family day out" happy place.

"... and this is how I outmanouvered the Soviet Navy in the Black Sea back in my submarine captain days", "oh, Dad, I'm so proud of you."


At 11/17/2005 11:52:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was gold!

nice to see you back

At 12/06/2005 07:07:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

more! more more more!

At 12/07/2005 10:17:00 AM, Anonymous pat said...

i want to know why there wasn't any bonox at the picnic!

i agree with anonymous. more! surely you can take some time out from your bosy schedule to lampoon DOA beach volleyball or something.

with a meat bun and an uzi,

(i made myself a chicken stock drink once. kinda salty.)

At 12/07/2005 10:35:00 AM, Anonymous pat said...

PS. also, is this meat drink business an ongoing fascination of yours?

At 12/07/2005 10:50:00 AM, Blogger conditionals said...

You'll notice the middle child is rocking the Bonox.

At first your comment made me think "what, poodles are made out of meat?" But then I remembered something...

At 12/09/2005 10:33:00 PM, Blogger mimi said...

I've actually got some meat drinks in tha works at the moment. If you mince it. They will come.
1.Mulled swine
2.Dr Pepperoni
3.Organ creamsicle
4. mountain Ewe

p.s. I'm having a deliciously pop culture night of Paris hiltons seminal masterpeice house of wax. cant be worse than a hot pie to the crotch...or can it?

At 12/12/2005 08:31:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...


Actually I'm pretty sure Dr. Pepper was already made out of meat.

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At 1/30/2006 02:41:00 AM, Anonymous pat said...

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and you've changed your blog header. post something already!

At 1/30/2006 11:27:00 AM, Blogger conditionals said...

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