Thursday, August 04, 2005

Muffin Nemesis

I have a lot of nemeses, but none have shaken the core of my being as much as Muffin Nemesis! The story goes like this: at college breakfast in 2003, I was craving some english muffins (see picture below). However, the toaster was full of other people's baked goods, so there would be a long wait before I could delve into their tasty buttery goodness. Then I realised there was nobody else around. What if I.... do I dare? I dared! I stole someone's muffins right out of the toaster and claimed them as my own!

Exhibit A: Muffins.

A victimless crime? NO! As I was eating my 'hot' stolen muffins, I saw somebody looking around the toaster for his missing foods. Then he looked at me. He knew! He was, from that day on, my MUFFIN NEMESIS!

From that day on, every morning I ate in terror, fearing that Muffin Nemesis would strike revenge upon me! Soon, the fear spread to my everyday goings-on. If I saw Muffin Nemesis, I would hide behind a tree or other non-muffin shaped object. Fear eats the soul that eats the muffin! Truly, the muffin nemesis had lost the battle (for food), but won the war (of sanity):

What's that? Your cries of pain are muffled!?

As time went on, I tried to overcome my fear. After months of hiding, enough was enough! Though I'm not the most sangfroid of individuals, I decided to approach him and beg for mercy:

Well, you'd look like that too if Muffin Nemesis had just ripped off your arm in anger.

It was a long, hard road to reconciliation. Eventually, relations were stable enough between us for me to invite him to my birthday party. After that, he left for China, presumably on some sort of muffin quest. Though he may be far away, his words of warning shall forever temper my toasting-related actions:

Heed his words, or you yourself may experience the wrath of a Muffin Nemesis!


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