Thursday, April 14, 2005

Vanguards

Speaking of vanguards (which I wasn't really, but did you know that they can be a rad atari game?... see now we're talking), I found this interesting notice on their, um, notice board:

She must have had a helping hand from those undertakers/beauticians at White Lady funerals. Also, does anyone else think there should be a law regarding just how lame a notice board notice can be? If there was, those damn primary school "5th nite of 2nd grade easter play on 2nite. Happy soccer challenge Jayden win!" messages would go down!

You know HMV. Boring, corporate, disinterested, profiteering franchise with a fitting boring, corporate, disinterested, profiteering acronym right? That's what I thought, but my thoughts were wrong. HMV, and their seemingly arbitrary use of dogs, actually stands for...:

How awesome is that!? I'm off to HMV right now to dedicate monies to their noble cause. Also, how awesome must this record be? An organ solo entitled 'Christians, awake'? Wow! They sound like a robot army being commanded to come alive and destroy a world!

You know, my mind used to be totally in the gutter. Back in high school, my sides would split if I heard certain words, such as 'boner', 'wood' or... 'pants'. Un/fortunatley, my 'sick mind' has sort of died since year 11. I look back at it all with the same type of shame and remorse (shamorse) that's associated with any north shore private boys' school memory. However, sometimes an opportunity presents itself which is just too good to pass up:

If you can't see anything funny here, then you'll never be a north shore private boys' school wanker. Sorry to break it to you.

My house is made almost enitrely of glass. I've often tried to tell people this, but they usually don't believe me. Damn that old adage. Therefore, my horrific stories about the ramifications of living in said glass house fall upon deaf ears. But seriously, my bathroom, which is located near the front of the house, has giant unfrosted windows that have totally scarred me for life. You may say "who cares, who would want to look in on that?". Well, I'll tell you who. Everytime I go to the toilet, I have to open a complex network of doors to block the view of voyeuristic neighbourchildren who jump on trampolines whilst corrupting me with their eyes. To have a shower, I have to steam up the window first, lest I be spyed upon by gardeners who walk on the path that runs right by the shower.

Check out these actual photos from my bathroom to prove my whiny point*:
Here's what I see when I sit on the toilet:

Corruption!

And here's what you see, from the driveway and entance to the house, when I have a shower:

Emotional scarring!

Also, the archives are temporarily down. Here's what the error message looks like:

Wow, not only do I get a 404 Not Found, I also receive an additional ErrorDocument free of charge. That's true Blogger service!

Basically the only real issue resulting from this archivebrokedness is that I can't sit and read my old posts in a fit of boredom. Luckily I've managed to fill my time paying my parking fees online at the world's most depressing website, www.infringements.nsw.gov.au, where you simply login with your illegal offence code, enter your credit card details and the fun begins!

*During the making of those photos, I had to set the camera on 7 second timer, and try to run down the hallway, stairs, outside and press my face against the window before the photo took. I fell down the stairs twice, got my elbow caught on the doorhandle and nearly launched myself through a plate glass window. More exercise than I have had for ages.

5 Comments:

At 4/15/2005 06:33:00 PM, Blogger Francomalaisienne said...

heya will, nice to finally see yet another interesting bleurg entry from you. I've beeen reading all of yer bleurgs and my favourite's defintely "Pour for Sortie Out" because j'aime Paris beaucoup. You're so darn lucky that u were there grrrr!!!

By the way, i've tried looking for the SPAM entry. The one that sells the coolest t-shirts ever. What link is it?

(ps: Still knw what your wittel secret is hawdihawhaw!)

 
At 4/15/2005 07:33:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...

Finally? Hmmm I guess it has been a week since the last post. I should get my act together perhaps.

Here's the link for that SPAM entry, http://www.conditionals.net/2004/09/curse-540-swamps.html (it's the missy higgins one). I always thought it was awesome how the spammers thought seperating dol-lars would trick people into trusting their emails. Fools.

As for favourite posts, mine is either of the cooking hat ones or the ice capades.

 
At 4/15/2005 10:23:00 PM, Blogger Francomalaisienne said...

The link that u gave me didn't work so i had to search through "old bread". Phil did send me that link because he knows how crazy i am over missy's but i've lost it. Found it anyway. Shall be doing my own spam top soonish. Tried taking pics of my newly designed top with my webcam but that thing doesn't work damn it.

Cooking hat?? Ice capades?? Gotta send me the url, dude.

Bon weekend!

 
At 4/15/2005 10:29:00 PM, Blogger Francomalaisienne said...

Hahahaha i've forgotten to tell you how much i laughed when u wrote about your "7 secs is all i need to take pictures, damn it!" attempt on taking silly pictures of you and your oh-so-godamnit-bootiful crib. Hawdi hawhaw Mind you, i'm still sick so u can imagine how much i coughed when i laughed too hard. I shall try not to be disgusting by not describing the feeling and the "aftermath" .....

 
At 4/18/2005 02:52:00 PM, Anonymous jian said...

Hi will!
this is my post-party comment:
it was effin awesome buddy, you really looked like you had a great time. i didn't get a chance to tell you what a hilarious person you are and what your mother said about your sense of humour was absolutely spot on.

i've gotta let you know about evermore, love outside andromeda and the pandas band this thursday night at manning bar, free for usyd students 15$ for others, 6pm. i hope you can make it, i absolutely heart love outside andromeda.

anyway spunk dawg i'll text you about it when i find my phone (lost in the abyss that is my room)

 

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