Monday, November 27, 2006

the ultimate traffic stopper

Bored at work, I stumbled across a wikipedia article about a PC game called 'Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.' It is, apparently, the world's best-ever game.

What the Box says:

"Get ready for some Brake Jammin', CB Talkin', Convoy Rollin' across America. From the desert to the plains, you'll be hauling loads and trying to stay one step ahead of the law, as you climb into your big rig for non-stop driving action. Race across America and deliver your load to its destination before the competition." Along the way, your RIG will face numerous obstacles, including "the ultimate traffic stopper... a police roadblock".



The reality:

- The game was made by RUSSIANS.
- You have no load to deliver. You just drive your RIG until a screen randomly appears proclaiming "YOU'RE WINNER". Sometimes you are even declared WINNER before the race begins.
- The 'competition', a computer-controlled opponent RIG, is broken. It sits at the starting line and does not move for the entire game. Thus, you can never lose. You are always WINNER.
- There is no ultimate traffic stopper. Or any other type of obstacle.
- If you put the truck in reverse, you can accelerate forever. After several minutes of reversing, you travel up to several times the SPEED OF LIGHT.
- You can drive through anything. Houses. Cactii. Other rigs. Mountains. If you encounter a bridge, you will fall through it.
- If you drive off the screen, you will forever spiral in an infinite gray vortex.
- Nothing can slow down your RIG. It will drive the same way on a flat road as it will UP A MOUNTAIN.

I found a video of it. It broke my brain and I had to leave work due me now being LOCO. True story. My brain broke at 0:50 minutes.


NB: The actual game doesn't have any music. It was meant to, but it crashes after 47 notes.

THE END.

NOT THE END.

Update: I found an awesome online community. It's called YOUREWINNER.com. They have a list of people who are WINNER or LOSER. An example:

RUSSIA = WINNER

This guy = LOSER:

2 Comments:

At 12/02/2006 04:08:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the music for that game sounds strangely similar to that of Frogger.... it's a conspiracy

 
At 12/07/2006 10:22:00 PM, Anonymous Pat said...

What? Frogger uses Venetian Snares' "Winnipeg is Fucking Over" as a soundtrack?

(from his "Winnipeg is a Frozen Shithole" album, with other Winnipeg-themed hitzhyt such as "Winnipeg as Mandatory Scat Feed" and "Winnipeg is a Boiling Pot of Cranberries")

 

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