Tuesday, April 18, 2006

God is Dead

My beloved fish, God, died today. Which is sad, because it's my birthday. It's even sadder because I got him 2 years ago to this day. But it's the saddest of all because he kicked serious ass. So here is my obituary.

God, Moses and the Dinosaurs.

Alys and Pat gave me 2 fish for my 20th birthday, contained in a bowl filled with plastic dinosaurs and a cool Moses figure. The downside to having such an awesome retelling of the Bible was that Moses emitted dangerous variety-store toxins which killed one of the fish. It seemed that only one of the fish could survive these dangerous Moses poisons. So, when it came time to name said fish, it seemed only natural to call it God - the only one powerful enough to beat Moses.

God was a supercool fish... always nibbling the bile that grew on Moses and exploring the rocky terrain of his bowl. In keeping with his theological powers, he was just as happy eating normal fish food as he was with feasting on a food pyrmid. Though he had a few close calls (like that time I dropped him down the sink, or that other time he floated upside down for a few days), he was pretty healthy, and his death was both untimely and unexpected.

He was buried in the my garden late on the 18th. Float on, God. Float on.


At 4/19/2006 02:10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, scott here.
man that SUCKS.
I am truly sorry for his, oops, i mean, His, loss of life.
When is the funeral?

At 4/19/2006 06:18:00 PM, Blogger conditionals said...

Using my loving memorial for shameless self promotion!? Using my loving memorial for shameless self promotion of a myspace that I've already been to (and friended you) this morning? I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

I don't like the idea of a funeral... putting God in the ground, closer to satan? If anything, I should throw him up in the air, back from whence he came. Nothing wrong with that plan.

You songs are pretty cool. I'll take one album thanks.

At 4/20/2006 08:44:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i feel bad about that.

you should do what that beer ad does and slingshot god in the air, along with some hopps and wheat and hot chicks. then it might rain fishy beer. or God might come back beer battered.

i am covered in a layer of dust.


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