Fuck the Cancer Council

I don't understand this Cancer Council. Somehow, they have fooled millions into thinking they are against cancer... I see people donating money to the Cancer Council minions in the street all the time. But somehow, nobody seemed to notice that they're not called the "Anti-Cancer Council". This is the fucking CANCER Council. A council that gives you cancer. It's at the top of their agenda. They have a Powerpoint presentation graph dedicated to maximising your cancer over time. They all have X-ray vision... that is, vision that shoots out cancerous X-rays. At you.

And I have proof. When I was 10, I foolishly shelled out $5 at school for a tube of Cancer Council sunscreen. Later, at the beach, I put it on heavily and went out in the sun for half an hour. And I got mad burnt. Seriously, it was like SPF -100... it was basically UV enhancing super death milk. Fucking Cancer Council. Evil bastards.

Want more proof? Remember the wife of Superman Christopher Reeve who died a few weeks ago from lung cancer, even though she had never smoked a day in her life? The Cancer Council totally hit that.