Tuesday, October 12, 2004

No longer a stand up guy

I dropped out of stand up. I was going to, um, stand up in front in front of manning on thursday and humiliate myself for 5 minutes and get heckled in what would surely be a life-crushing affair for all. But I wimped out. Oh well. Want to know what my routine would have been? Here are my two "best" stand up jokes (the others were "too "good"" to give away to you here...):

What are you meant to do when you are sitting on the toilet in a packed Hoyts bathroom and suddenly you get a call from someone really important, a call that you totally shouldn't miss? What do you do? Do you take the call and pray that nobody around you flushes, thus clueing the person on the phone in on your embarrassing location? Do you yell out to everyone around you not to flush for at least 3 minutes while you take this important call? What if they don't comply? How do you explain away a flush? Say that you're in a toilet shop? (At this point my face hopefully starts getting flushed, giving people a hilarious visual pun)

Still with sitting, it's a known fact that when you are sitting on the couch, you are in the only position in the world where somebody can come up to you and say something completely non-sensical and you would without a doubt understand them. See, if you're standing at a bar and I come up to you and ask you to "please gloopism for me", the most likely outcome is that i get some sort of beverage thrown on me. But if you're on a couch and I ask you to scudge, spifto, ginkunge or quidge, you will immediatley comply and move over a bit to make room for me.


... those little airline peanuts?

I have a powerbook! And now there is much powerbook nerdery to be conducted by me. For instance, I took it to Renaissance class to take notes, thus joining the rare breed of absolute wankers at Sydney Uni. Unfortunatley, I got out wankered by a mature age student who not only took notes on her computer, but recorded it with an mp3 player.

Traksewt, from the Herd. I played Cranium with him, and believe you me he does an awesome Buffy impersonation.

OMG! Neighbours action! Bubba just told Serena something about her boyf: "Lukah is your brother. The love you have is impossible". Nice Star Wars reference by Ali Ali (Neighbours scriptwriter).


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